SUMMIT COUNSELING ASSOCIATES, Inc.
Craig L. Loving, D.Min.
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
Helping you succeed in your most important relationships
303-349-7398 Email
How to Beat Stress
How to Beat Stress
We’ve all met Larry – the guy who got hammered by a major event at work or home, but bounced back pretty quickly. Then there’s Mike – the guy who experienced what seemed to be a hiccough by comparison, but never recovered from it. What made the difference?
Some causes of stress
Simply put, stress is the result of an ongoing interaction between a particular person and his or her particular environment. Stress is not “caused” by external events, whether daily hassles or major crises. Instead, it occurs when we tell ourselves that the event we are experiencing demands more from us that we are capable of giving. Read that again slowly so you don’t miss the point! Much of our stress is not caused by external circumstances, but by the internal conversation we have with ourselves about what we’re experiencing.
Some of the ways we typically respond to stress
Stress is one of the most prevalent problems we are facing today. Quite a bit of research has gone into its causes and solutions. What has been discovered is that there are 7 general coping styles:
1. Avoidance: “When I have a problem, I tend to let things work out on their own.”
2. Seek emotional support: “When I have a problem, I tend to turn to others who can help me feel better.”
3. Seek instrumental support: “When I have a problem, I tend to turn to others who can help me develop solutions to my problems.”
4. Stress prevention: “Rather than wait for problems to happen, I plan for the future.”
5. Strategic planning: “When I have a problem, I find ways to break it into smaller parts, and attack them one at a time.”
6. Reflective planning: “When I have a problem, I think about various alternatives to successfully resolve it before I act.
7. Proactive coping: “I don’t wait for problems to happen. When I set a goal, I do everything I can to achieve it. If I encounter a problem, I take the initiative in resolving it.”
All of these responses might be appropriate when it is matched with a corresponding circumstance. For example, a relatively minor stressful event might be better resolved by allowing things to work out on their own; not every problem has your name written in the solution line.
On the other hand, avoiding a Category 5 stressor will only make things worse. The key is to learn to use each stress response, matching it with a corresponding stressor; the weightier the stressor, the more important it will be to employ strategic, reflective, and proactive responses.
Some of the common effects of stress
Stress affects each man differently because of each man’s unique vulnerability / resilience profile. However, there are some common effects that, if left untreated, can cause serious problems in every man’s life. The list is not intended to be exhaustive, but representative of some of the effects of un-treated stress.
1. Physical effects: Heart disease, stroke, hypertension, sleep disturbances, sexual problems, headaches, and muscular and joint pain.
2. Relational effects: Irritability, withdrawal from loved ones, increases in alcohol, television, and / or computer use.
3. Emotional effects: Anger, panic attacks, depression, even suicidal thoughts.
4. Mental effects: Distortions in thinking patterns, such as All-or-Nothing (black or white; success or failure); Over-generalizing (single negative events are seen as a never-ending pattern of defeat); Jumping to Conclusions (making negative interpretations even though there are no definite facts to support your conclusion).
5. Spiritual effects: Sense of abandonment by God, regression to spiritually immature behaviors and thoughts, disuse of prayer, meditation, and Bible reading, cessation or sporadic attendance at church worship services (see above “withdrawal from loved ones”).
Some things you can do today to reduce your stress
One of the most effective strategies for coping with stress is to change how you’re thinking about the event. Ask yourself these questions:
-
“What am I currently telling myself about what I’m going through?”
-
“How strongly (scale of 1 à 5) do I believe what I’m telling myself?”
-
“Is there another way of thinking about what I’m going through?”
Brainstorm alternative explanations, and select the most believable (at least a 3 or 4 on a 5 point scale).
Create a bumper-sticker slogan for yourself based on your new explanation.
Mentally rehearse your slogan as you think about your stressful situation.
To get a different perspective ask yourself these questions:
-
“What would (a person I admire in the way he / she handles difficulties) tell themselves / do about a similar problem?”
-
“If I were handling this problem in an effective way, what would I be thinking or doing?”
Many people unwittingly change their health habits when they encounter stressful situations. They eat more or less than usual; they sleep more or less than usual; they exercise less; smoke and drink more. If you find yourself responding in any of these ways, do what you can to get back on track with your regular health routines. Watch your diet; maintain a regular bed-time; get some exercise, even if it is just a walk around the block; cut back on sugars, alcohol and tobacco.
Rent a funny movie. Depression as a result of stress is a force to be reckoned with. An hour and a half away from the pressures may be enough to help you think more clearly about your options (On the other hand, if you’re up until 3 a.m. watching re-runs of Gilligan’s Island, something else is probably going on).
If you’re a Christian, make full use of your spiritual habits to get a grip on stress and your response. Pray about it; turn it over to God. Meditate on key Bible verses or passages that give you hope. Get prayer and wise counsel from others in your church whom you trust.
Sometimes, you need another set of eyes to help you see the situation in a new way. It’s okay to ask for help. Contact me if you’d like to schedule an appointment.
All contents of this site copyright (c) 2006 Summit Counseling Associates, Inc., & Craig L. Loving.
All rights reserved.